Every Parents Fear

Every parent fears

I know the pain that every parent fears.
Now I am in a club that does not include beers.
Yes you are sorry, sympathetic, empathetic.
You don’t understand, decisions that I make seem pathetic.

Why do you treat me that way?
I lost my son. What should I say?
I am no better or worse.
Do I have a mark now? It’s like I have a curse.
I am still me.
Why can’t you see?
Why do you change when you learn this about my son?
I am still the same person I can still have fun.
I see the change in you and I didn’t do anything
Trying to be honest and doing the right thing.

I don’t see a time when it will not be painful and hurt.
A time when I can be human and flirt
This is my pain it is not for you to fix or understand.
You can do neither so stop using pop psychology that’s canned.
I am not asking you to make me better.
Solve my problem or cry me a river.
I ask to be treated like a human again.
Not like a day covered in rain

I hope you never have to experience a loss like this.
You don’t know it, you are living in bliss.
Losing your pet is not like losing a child.
Your comparisons are making me wild.
I know you are trying from a good place
but fuck you, you’re not in my head space.

“I cannot imagine going through that” you say.
It’s so common it sounds “like have a nice day”
I have my scars my pain
Sometimes I wonder if I am going insane
I have not only lost a son, also a wife
My dreams, my life.

I have lost the ability to live like you.
You raise your children past the age of two.
You can love them raise them watch them grow up.
You do not live with reminder of them throwing up.
The bliss and happiness I envy that time
But that not my mountain to climb
When you look in your child’s eyes what do you see,
the hope the future how nice that must be.
“Tears in Heaven” is only a problem if heaven is real.
It is something I hope but do not feel.

Every parent fears the loss of a child